I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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