his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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