I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
