Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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