I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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