its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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