everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
