everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
