I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
