I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
