Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
