An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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