I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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