You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
