I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
