I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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