His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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