I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
