I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
