Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I looked at my own cervix.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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