i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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