Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Never joke about your clitoris.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
