I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
