I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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