so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
