He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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