Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
