While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
