two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
