My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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