Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
