Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
