She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
