you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
