he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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