I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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