We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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