i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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