Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
