if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
