I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
