Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
