I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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