I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just threw up on my dentist
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
