I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
