You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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