dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
