im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
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