hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
