I think I died a long time ago.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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