I wish my penis had an off switch
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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