We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
