Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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