Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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