I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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