yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
